Heavy & Happy?

Body image

Weight

Fit

Fat

Diet

Fasting

Health

Wellness

Skinny

They’re all words that are in our every day vernacular.

But for many of us, they all have a much deeper meaning.

And for a lot of us, all of these words are just crazy-making and have been for our whole lives.

In my teens, 20s & 30s, I gave a majority of my energy, my precious mental energy, to thinking about how fat I was and how I could quickly get skinny.

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This mama (me) spent this particular weekend away feeling fat & miserable. Feels like such a waste of energy now. 😦

Good times.

Now, in my 40s, I would LOVE to be as ‘fat’ as I thought I was!

I have put on weight.

I am carrying extra weight.

But for the first time in my life, I do not give it a lot of mental energy.

And when I do – because I do out of habit, a lifetime of habit – I shift myself away from these thoughts.

My precious mental energy, my spirit & my life deserve so much more.

I found that over the past few year that any time I would decide to ‘diet’ or radically change my diet (read: restrict), I would become so cranky. So irritable. And kinda nasty to those I love.

My spirit cried out. ‘Oh girlfriend, not again with this!!!’

So I stopped. Stopped thinking about dieting, losing weight and being ‘thin.’

And whenever I did, I just shifted my thoughts.

AWAY AWAY AWAY from ‘You are fat’ type of thoughts.

I have allowed myself to eat whatever I want.

Whenever I want.

And guess what?

I have gained weight.

And while this is not the best thing ever, or the most surprising thing ever, I don’t worry too much about it.

Why?

Because I cannot remember the last time I binged.

I did a lot of binge-before-dieting type behavior and that has added to my weight gain.

Now I rarely feel ‘sick’ after eating.

I used to eat A LOT because I knew I would be dieting, fasting or cleansing soon. Knew that soon I would be cutting all the horrible things out of my diet so I constantly overate as if I was in a panic. Exhausting, I tell ya.

And I’d feel very stuffed & bloated all the time. And I felt ‘sick’ so no wonder I felt the need to fast, cleanse, take a break from ‘bad’ foods.

I hardly ever do now.

I used to eat a TON of pasta because I knew that I ‘shouldn’t’ and would be cutting it out of my diet ASAP.

I love pasta and eat it now, occasionally. Some weeks more than others but I do not crave it like crazy like before.

I used to go out to eat to ‘treat’ myself before the big restriction was coming and I had a favorite place that included a very large meal & boozy drinks that I would have (read: stuff madly into my pie hole).

I can’t remember the last time I did that.

So while I am carrying extra weight, I am mentally lighter.

I am less stressed and less crabby around this stuff.

I eat well, often quite ‘healthy.’

My goal is to completely trust that my physical being will catch up with my spiritual & mental lightness and I will be able to achieve a weight that is perfect for me and do this easily.

And the more I focus on creating a mindset that is positive & full of possibility, ease, miracles & fun the more easy it is to make good decisions for myself. It has really works wonder. My mindset has become my biggest asset – ass size be damned! 😉

But seriously, I have stopped gaining weight and whilst I’m at a plateau, I feel good.

My spirit, my soul & my personality love variety, experiences, freedom & fun. Eating a restrictive diet of ANY kind, I have now learned (slowly but surely), makes me a complete nutbag, a bitch & a sad sack. Just a big ole sack o’ sad. I KNOW how to eat well. I KNOW I can eat what I want in a normal capacity especially if I’m not feeling like a crazed animal locked in a cage (cuz then I eat everything in sight). I love things like green juice, smoothies, salads & all kinds of healthy foods. But I crave variety & freedom so the thought of ONLY eating these foods does my spirit no. good. I am learning to trust myself and out of that trust has come a much more balanced way of eating. And that feels good.

I recently joined a gym. To keep my body moving through our chilly (although not lately!) New England winter. No big goals. No stressful goals. Just movement. Keeping moving is so important, mostly because it feels good!

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Hi.

So heavy & happy?

Yup, pretty much!

And yup, I have to continually remind myself that while I could easily lose weight fast with a very restrictive diet & lots of exercise, I want to be in a place where I do not have to do that. I want to enjoy life, experience everything. Not worry about what I am eating. And as I slowly but surely trust myself & know that it’s all coming together because I FEEL so much better mentally, I will get to a place of balance – body, mind & spirit.

Patience, trust, gratitude.

That’s where it’s at.

That’s where I’m at (or at least shift to when I’m not). Some days/weeks go better than others but after a lifetime of this, it takes time to not to think the thoughts you always have. Patience, I remind myself, patience. And remembering how good I feel, how ‘light’ my mind feels is so very important!

I hope that wherever you are in your journey to making peace with yourself (if you have to like I do), that you are patient, kind, trusting & feeling grateful for the awesome & strong person you are.

Because you really are.

Yes. You.

xoxoxo

Love,

Adrienne

P.S.

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The Surrender Experiment

I’m not that great at reviews so I’ll get right to the point.

READ THIS BOOK!!!!

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Honestly, I believe it’s changed my life.

It’s a memoir, one man’s journey…to himself.

It’s a FASCINATING read.

I don’t think everyone will get the same thing out of reading it. I don’t believe it will speak to everyone. It’ll have a different message for everyone.

Mine was/IS:

SAY YES.

TRUST THE UNIVERSE.

JUST SAY YES.

I’m a very controlling person so I say NO to a lot of things because I want control everything. I often hold an energy of ‘YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO.’ Even if it’s a really fucking good idea, I’ll just say NO just to say NO! I’m kind of a brat but this has also been a defense mechanism, protecting me from things I feel I need protection from. So this works sometimes. Sometimes it’s appropriate to say NO. But I no longer feel I need to protect myself. So when I read this book and the author, Michael Singer’s, experience saying YES to everything that showed up in his life, I was BLOWN AWAY (there are lots of other points to the book but this is one of the main ones). I think it spoke to me so much, and on a deep soul level, because it’s time I trust. Fully trust. And say YES. TO MY LIFE. (for fuck’s sake. finally say YES to my life!!)

Since I’ve started saying YES, things have been flowing better than I could’ve ever imagined. I even said YES recently to something and then something else came on my radar. So I said YES to that. Hilariously it was something I had previously said NO to. Ah, but the Universe knows better! It was perfect. Everything flowed just perfectly. The Universe gave me EXACTLY what I needed. The first thing I said YES to was a very benign thing and it didn’t matter that I said YES to something else, I would not have said YES to thing 2 if it would’ve (just wanted to clarify, I’m not haphazardly saying YES and not being mindful of my actions).

Like I said, I don’t think everyone will get the same message out of this book but the story of Michael’s life is amazing and I think most of us could benefit from whatever message is pulled out. Or in my case, JUMPED OUT AND SLAPPED ME IN DA FACE. 😀

Michael also wrote The Untethered Soul, which I’m reading now. It’s good stuff as well.

Have you read it? Tell us what you thought of it!

Are you going to read it? Awesome! You should.

Any amazing books like this you can recommend? I’d love to hear and I’m sure others would as well.

The next book I want to read is Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert who wrote Eat. Pray. Love.

Feel free to share your recommendations.

Love,

Adrienne

I am a trained warrior

I am a trained warrior of…

worry

Is anything ever going to work out?

self-doubt

Oh here I go again, loserville!!!

anxiety

There is not enough money! How can I make money? What are we going to do?

unworthiness

You are a big, fat piece of crap and as you know, you do not deserve to breathe the air everyone else does.

drama

Why is that person such an ass?? Can you believe what so-in-so said?? OMG – you are not going to believe THIS!!

and more of the like.

These are things I learned early on and my spirit seemed to let them stick.

I have been spinning these wheels a long time.

At this point in my life (and for a long time) it is completely by choice (although it seems eerily automatic) and I can CHOOSE MY THOUGHTS.

My thoughts do not have to rule me.

I can make the choice to think otherwise.

This is my most important journey and exactly why I have begun this self-care journey.

I believe that my answers and help understanding how I work and how I can move forward with my life in a way that suits me best.

Because I want to be a trained warrior of…

FUN

ADVENTURE

PEACE

SELF-WORTH

ALIGNMENT WITH MY HIGHEST GOOD

and more of the like.

i had the most amazing few moments here at warren falls in vermont last weekend. it was peaceful and had a bit of an adventure-y feel too it.
i had the most amazing few moments here at warren falls in vermont last weekend. it was peaceful and had a bit of an adventure-y feel too it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Truth is I am in a transition stage so I feel much much MUCH more aligned with these things than the first batch.

PHEW, right??

But those kind of thoughts pull me down way more often than I would like.

What has been really nagging at me is the need to go within, quiet my mind and find the answers.

So I am heeding the call!

Without drama or the need to make it perfect or rush the process.

I am a bit skeered but ready.

So tell, me when you think about going within, do you come up against resistance or fear or overwhelm?

I am thinking that it is totally natural too and that there are many reasons for this but truth be told there is nothing for us to be afraid of. It will probably instigate some very needed healing (which is not always easy!).

I’d love to hear your thoughts so please feel free to comment!

And if you have enjoyed this blog post and/or this whole idea of a self-care journey, please like or comment and share with anyone you think would benefit from this conversation.

Thank you!

Love,

Adrienne

7 Ways to Take Two Minutes for Yourself

It can be hard to take time for yourself but we must.

Especially us ladies who work, take care of the home and/or take care of others.

So try to take as much time for yourself as you can.

Even if it’s just two minutes!

And that a few minutes goes a long way!!

It is sometimes hard for us to take any time at all for ourselves and then, if you are like me at all, and feel that if it can’t be an hour or more, well then what is the point.

I am working on changing this mindset of all-or-nothing because it is not getting me anywhere.

I KNOW two minutes makes a difference and I have been working on some of these for a while now in my own life.

Here are 7 ways you can begin to take two for you!

1. Take Two in the car – work edition

I am working part time and every time I go to work I try to get there a few minutes early so I can sit in my car and breathe, pray and set an intention for a good shift.

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This is great especially for those of us who are running from chaos at home to a busy job, etc. Take those two minutes!

2. Take two in the car – home edition

Are you heading straight home from work and walking into others needs and wants and a gagillion things to do? Many of us are.

On your way home, pick a beautiful spot to pull over.

Look at the beauty, really absorb it.

Breathe, pray, intend – whatever feels right.

Then head home.

It’ll probably still be crazy there but at least you can remember those few minutes of peace – and they may even translate over to the home, you never know!!

3. Grounding

Take off those shoes and get those feet on the ground!

This is known as ‘grounding’ or just being a human with your feet on the ground. 😀

But truthfully, it is a powerful tool in helping you feel calmer and more ‘grounded’ energetically as it is working to neutralize our electrons. This is especially important these days with all our cell phone and computer use.

So take two, no shoe.

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4. Happy Day Journal

I have a journal next to my bed and every night I write all the good things that happened during the day.

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It is nice to go to bed with good thoughts in your head!

So get something nice, make sure a pen is always there and write for a few minutes all the good stuff in your day and your life.

5. Write a note

Sending a hand written note is not only the nicest thing to do, it is the nicest thing to receive!!

Buy yourself some stationary that you love and every week, send someone a note.

Thank them for being your friend, being there for you or just say hi, you are awesome.

This will of course take more than two minutes, but once you have the stationary and the plan, the actual note writing won’t take that long at all.

You can even write an anonymous one and leave it somewhere random like the library or at a park. This idea comes from Hannah who started www.moreloveletters.com

6. Tell

THE PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE ARE NEVER GOING TO ASSUME YOU NEED TWO MINUTES.

YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO TELL THEM.

Tell them,

I’M TAKIN’ TWO, YO.

Then do it.

7. Ask

Don’t have any idea how you can ever have one single tiny moment to yourself?

When you lay your head down on your pillow tonight, ask your Divine to help you find a way. Ask them to put this two minute possibility in front of you so you are sure to see it.

We live in a time of ‘never enough.’

There is never enough time.

And the time you give is never enough.

We can never be enough.

At least this is a common thread through our society.

We’ve got to make the commitment to KNOWING it is always enough, two minutes is enough, what you do is enough, you are enough and ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

xo

Adrienne

The last time I was truly happy

I am no expert on happiness and have learned a lot about what happiness is NOT.

Last year I had moments of sheer, unadulterated bliss.

This was a bit foreign to me but man was is AWESOME.

It had a lot to do with a two things.

One being Oneness.

Another being giving up (you can read more about this in one of my most popular blog posts What Happened When I Stopped Trying).

When I gave up and decided to just BE and go with the flow and guess what? Life flowed in a beautiful, glorious way. How about that? It was fascinating! And so very freeing for me.

Now in those first few weeks of giving up trying to: be more ~ do more ~ diet ~ exercise ~ figure out what the fuck I was doing with my life ~ be perfect ~ thinner ~ better (are you exhausted yet? I sure was), things were hard. How could I change this mind that had been the same way, thinking the same things forever?? But I did. Each and every time my mind would wander to the thoughts that had plagued me for a lifetime, I would steer them to the present and to NOT thinking about any of that stuff I wrote above. I would actually tip my head to the side as if to say ‘NO! MIND – DO NOT DO THAT!’ I was often doing this a few times AN HOUR! But after a few weeks it became easier and easier. It helped that spring was coming and I was out and about more (New England winters can be a bitch).

One day, I was at Castle Island, in South Boston and spring was in full effect. I laid under this tree on a small blanket.

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I almost wept.

Seriously.

As I lay there, a feeling of complete bliss came over me.

I was beyond happy and grateful to be laying there, basking in the sun, under this miracle of nature.

My family joined me a bit later and we ate cupcakes and played in the park.

I felt that life could not get any better.

This feeling continued through the spring and into the summer.

During the summer I had to work a little harder at shifting my mind because my physical body did not look as I wanted (and this was something I struggled with most of my life ‘How was I not going to be a fatty in the summer.’ Ugh). But I shifted my thoughts to how fucking good I felt and how that was WAY more worth it than worrying about my extra weight. Even when I had to have my favorite guy friend hoist me out of the water because I couldn’t pull myself into his boat after trying to go tubing ~ this was all quite humiliating folks and could have sent a gal over the edge ~ I managed to keep my thoughts light and of self-acceptance. It was HARD but I did it.

Then in the fall, I went to a spiritual growth weekend to deepen my awakening with Oneness.

It was awesome. I just loved it.

AND!! I felt I was given (downloaded from the Divine, if you will) the most fabulous idea for business. I had always wanted to create a business for myself, mostly online, that could help me serve the world, my family and myself. So there I was at my Oneness Blessing weekend and BOOM! Idea after idea after idea, all under this sweet little umbrella.

I went home and executed my idea immediately. A divine idea Divinely given? Can’t lose right?

Well I did.

Not ‘lose’ per se but maybe more like missed the mark.

Now I know why.

All my anxieties, stresses and the over-minding I had been doing my whole life took over. As I sprang into action, I changed my blissful way of thinking to the DO MORE BE MORE GIT SHIT DONE NOW of yesteryear. But I believed I COULD make this all better and more and perfect. It seemed perfect. As I tried to drive the bus. As I tried to push and create.

I gave up pretty quickly and feel embarrassed about that.

AND then just went into a place in my mind where there tends to be a suckage-fest.

All the old crap came back.

Oh dear lord where is my blissful spring????

Will I ever be happy like that again?

Where can I go get a lobotomy?

So what has happened this year?

Ah, my friends, you will just have to wait.

Part II will come soon.

Please share any of your comments on bliss or your own life journey’s and lessons in the comments below here or on my Facebook page.

Thank you for reading and sharing!

Love,

Adrienne

Can I grow enough balls to do what I want to do?

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It seems as though I am learning a lot lately about myself and about the world and it is coming fast and furious.

I have this great idea for a positive, inspiring, cheer-you-on-to-greatness kind of Facebook page and website.

And I was thinking I would do it anonymously.

BECAUSE I DO NOT HAVE THE BALLS TO DO IT MYSELF, LEADING THE WAY.

Why?

Because I do not know if I can stand in positivity all the time.

I do not know if I quite buy into all the self-help bs sometimes.

Can I be me and run a website and a Facebook page that is really all about tapping into the flow of possibility, freedom, love and miracles when sometimes I feel like a raging bitch and wanna run away from my life and myself?

If I get out of my own way and grow a pair, so-to-speak, I probably can.

Maybe it is what I am supposed to do, stand for all of this EVEN WHEN EVERYTHING SUCKS BALLS.

Maybe I just want to write an occasional blog post that says ‘balls’ a lot. 🙂

I am torn between the spirituality and personal growth that is flowy and white and peaceful and so now and the spirituality and personal growth PROCESS that is (or can be) ugly, messy, hard, exhausting, frightening and feeling like it is all a bunch of bullshit.

I really see myself as a leader and I have a lot to say.

Some of it is RIDICULOUSLY sunny and cheerleaderly and you-can-do-it and I love you and 1000% sincere.

And the other part is, OMG life is hard, things are DAAAAAAAAAARK, and all of this rainbows and kittens bs can go fuck itself.

Yup, it’s like that.

So that is why the idea of anonymously running a positivity website feels better than being ‘me’ and standing for all of it but yet being kind of unsure of how I feel about all the details. And the fact that I like to say fuck and balls and shit. All while talking about the Divine and love and miracles and shit!

If you can relate, let me know.

I am considering heading this way for this blog and my own Facebook page with my very own name on it. And I DO actually play with this idea, as you know, if you follow my crazy path all around.

A friend said, what you do, it’s like spirituality with balls or ballsy spirituality!

I liked that a lot.

You know, mostly because she said balls.

But since I am still working out the details, I feel uncomfortable stepping fully forward.

Ugh.

So I thought I’d write this blog post and see what happens.

Thanks for reading and following along!!!

Love,

Adrienne

PS Facebook page is here.

PPS I do Angel Card Readings – no bs, straight forward, intuitive guidance that give you the tools to move forward in your life. Don’t stay stuck, contact me to help you!! aemartin4(at)gmail(dot)com

Eating ice cream is good for business

What if I were to tell you that eating ice cream has created so much space for me to be who I really am so I can do the work I am here to do.

Would you think I am crazy?

Over the past year I have set my mind free from the prison that it was in.

I set myself and my mind FREE.

I stopped trying to lose weight.

I stopped trying to figure everything out.

I stopped trying to be better and different than I really was.

I began to just ‘be.’

And I began to eat ice cream.

Sometimes I eat a lot of ice cream.

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Talenti knows FOR SURE eating ice cream is good for business…theirs!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And ya know what?

I became more creative.

I began to lose weight.

I began to have a relationship with my Divine.

I began to be more in the flow of life.

The natural flow that is there for all of us.

My business grew and idea after idea flowed to me and from me.

It is not about the ice cream.

It is about you.

What is good for you?

What FEELS GOOD AND SETS YOUR FREE?

What is your ‘ice cream’?

What can you free yourself from so you can be in the flow?

What can you enjoy more or accept more so your life, and your business, can flow and not be blocked by shoulds and should nots.

Let me know in the comments below.

Where is your freedom and what feels expansive?

Tell me!

That’s an order 🙂

Love,

Adrienne

My new business page is up on Facebook – head on over and give a like!