Can I grow enough balls to do what I want to do?

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It seems as though I am learning a lot lately about myself and about the world and it is coming fast and furious.

I have this great idea for a positive, inspiring, cheer-you-on-to-greatness kind of Facebook page and website.

And I was thinking I would do it anonymously.

BECAUSE I DO NOT HAVE THE BALLS TO DO IT MYSELF, LEADING THE WAY.

Why?

Because I do not know if I can stand in positivity all the time.

I do not know if I quite buy into all the self-help bs sometimes.

Can I be me and run a website and a Facebook page that is really all about tapping into the flow of possibility, freedom, love and miracles when sometimes I feel like a raging bitch and wanna run away from my life and myself?

If I get out of my own way and grow a pair, so-to-speak, I probably can.

Maybe it is what I am supposed to do, stand for all of this EVEN WHEN EVERYTHING SUCKS BALLS.

Maybe I just want to write an occasional blog post that says ‘balls’ a lot. 🙂

I am torn between the spirituality and personal growth that is flowy and white and peaceful and so now and the spirituality and personal growth PROCESS that is (or can be) ugly, messy, hard, exhausting, frightening and feeling like it is all a bunch of bullshit.

I really see myself as a leader and I have a lot to say.

Some of it is RIDICULOUSLY sunny and cheerleaderly and you-can-do-it and I love you and 1000% sincere.

And the other part is, OMG life is hard, things are DAAAAAAAAAARK, and all of this rainbows and kittens bs can go fuck itself.

Yup, it’s like that.

So that is why the idea of anonymously running a positivity website feels better than being ‘me’ and standing for all of it but yet being kind of unsure of how I feel about all the details. And the fact that I like to say fuck and balls and shit. All while talking about the Divine and love and miracles and shit!

If you can relate, let me know.

I am considering heading this way for this blog and my own Facebook page with my very own name on it. And I DO actually play with this idea, as you know, if you follow my crazy path all around.

A friend said, what you do, it’s like spirituality with balls or ballsy spirituality!

I liked that a lot.

You know, mostly because she said balls.

But since I am still working out the details, I feel uncomfortable stepping fully forward.

Ugh.

So I thought I’d write this blog post and see what happens.

Thanks for reading and following along!!!

Love,

Adrienne

PS Facebook page is here.

PPS I do Angel Card Readings – no bs, straight forward, intuitive guidance that give you the tools to move forward in your life. Don’t stay stuck, contact me to help you!! aemartin4(at)gmail(dot)com

My Biggest Fear

I was going to write a post this week about what I am eating these days but that gem is just gonna have to wait. And as will you 🙂

I want to talk about what I am afraid of most. 

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A bit over a year ago I took a self-imposed break from all things internet.

Email, facebook, all social media, and general internet ‘browsing.’

QUIT!

All of it!

Even tv (yup, even my beloved The Bold and The Beautiful was not on every day at 1:30pm).

It was hard at first.

I had anxiety and didn’t quite know what to do with myself.

But then, after about three weeks, things came together.

I was fine. 🙂

And a strong message came through.

LOVE

The message was all about love.

I even painted these:

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The message that had come across once I hushed all the external chatter from everywhere was:

Share love

Give love

Be love

Shout about love!

I cried.

I was sad and confused for a bit.

But my soul felt like it had come home.

My soul WANTS to be a cheerleader and a superhero for the forgotten part of US ALL that is a bright shiny light of love and stuff that makes us US.

But I have, since I was little, believed that being my own shiny light or celebrating others bright shiny light was stupid and that I should just be quiet and sit in the corner.

So I am afraid to shine my light.

And worse, I am afraid to champion for you to shine your light.

I am afraid to be called ‘A little Mary Sunshine.’

OMG :::shudder:::

Seriously, I do not want to be considered a Polly Anna or like someone who thinks we all crap rainbows and kittens (wouldn’t that hurt anyway?!?!).

Maybe I made up this lie about not being a shiny light.

Maybe it was taught to me.

Who cares. It does not matter.

Because now…

I am over it.

O-V-E-R IT!!

Because I have been carrying this lie around with me wearing it like a badge for far FAR too long.

So…now, NOW, while I am still afraid….

I am going for it.

I am going to cheerlead and be a superhero for…

POSSIBILITY

FREEDOM

LOVE

MIRACLES

I am still afraid but have realized it is time to step into what it is I am here to do.

It is time to get out of my own way.

So I can help you…

DO THE EXACT SAME THING.

Yup.

There I said it.

I am going to talk about

POSSIBILITY

FREEDOM

LOVE

&

MIRACLES 

…and sometimes even talk about THE DIVINE (in us, around us, and how awesome it is and how close it is to all of us). And probably talk about rainbows and kittens cuz rainbows are awesome and kittens are cute.

But also talk about how…

it is sometimes hard to connect with all those things, it can feel like a stretch, too Polly Anna, or that we are not worthy.

BUT I want you to know this…

that when we do connect with love, miracles, the divine, possibility and freedom, or when we just surrender and let ourselves look into that shiny bright part of ourselves (and others)

well…

life begins to flow…

miracles begin to happen…

possibility presents itself…

life feels freer…

love is there…

just as it has always been…

and your light begins to shine as it always has wanted to!

I am here to guide us to that place where we can all shine

NO 

MATTER

WHAT

Are you in?

Join me!

Let’s all get into that expansive, free, loving, miraculous place where life is full of possibility!

And should you fall (or forget)…

Well, I am here to pick you up.

I am hear to remind you.

You are a bright shiny light that deserves to shine and thrive. 

HEY!

We are all in it together.

So…

This is my biggest fear.

Saying all this.

Being this way.

Worrying what people will think.

I worry that I cannot uphold this all the time.

I fear upsetting people who think all this talk is bullshit.

I am conscious that I have ‘tried’ to do many other things (hello, acupuncture?? raw food?? psychic?? blogger??) and that some may be wary of this ‘new’ thing. But I know it brings all of my strengths together so I can do the work I am here to do. I know in my heart that this feels like the most expansive thing I have ever done and that I can create this umbrella in which to work under and do all the things I want to do to help others.

So I am putting fear aside.

So I can move forward.

And more importantly…help you do the same!

So I hope you will join me. I have lots coming up so stay tuned!!

With possibility, freedom, love and miracles for all,

Adrienne

Your Head Cheerleader and Superhero for Possibility, Freedom, Love & Miracles

P.S. If this post spoke to you – YAY! Awesome! Please leave a comment to let me know what you think and any of your struggles. ALSO – I am doing a FREE online 30-day class in September called CONNECTION, POSSIBILITY, AND YOU so be sure to sign up for my email updates to be the first to know about the details and to sign up! And head on over to my Facebook page – there is always something fun going on over there!