What if you can’t unf*ck yourself?

Not too long ago, this meme came on my radar.

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It literally stopped me in my scrolling tracks.

I was very moved by it.

It seemed to shout to my soul,

YES!

FUCK!

I’M GOING TO UNFUCK MYSELF & SHINE LIKE I’M SUPPOSED TO!

Like this lil adorable 8 yo me:

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This is who I have always been.

This meme really spoke to me with it’s powerful F-word placement and sentiment (and I have no idea who wrote it so if you know, please let me know so I can give them credit, thanks). It spoke to my soul. My fucked up soul that I so want to unfuck so that I can shine.

So YES! random meme on my Facebook feed, I love you. And thank you. WOW. Let’s all unfuck ourselves and shine shine SHINE! FUCK!!!!!!

That’s what was going through my head for weeks after I saw it.

It brought me to tears many times, I’m totally serious.

But I wanted to be Yoda and get into the zone of unfucking.

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Yet as much as this spoke to me, it got me thinking.

What if I actually CANNOT unfuck myself?

What if, this is it? This is me. All fucked up and crazytown.

Because I’ve been here before, trying to fix myself and in turn just making myself more miserable and nutty.

But this unfucking idea and, even more, this shining bright idea, was still sitting strongly with me.

I liked it.

I GOT it.

I had been a little shiny being and one day or over time, my beliefs turned into truths. These beliefs – I am too much. I am not worthy. I cannot shine.

And whether it was from society or my own karma/journey, I took these beliefs all to heart, made them truths and became fucked. Sure there’s a whole bunch of other stuffs that created these beliefs but there’s no point in getting into all of that.

I wanted to shine!

I WANT TO SHINE!

I think we should all shine!

Big and bright and loud and proud.

But if we’re fucked, can we?

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Of course we can.

And whether we can unfuck ourselves (alone or with the help of a professional) or NOT, we sure can shine & be ourselves.

And NOT in spite of ourselves and NOT with the energy of ‘Yup, I’m fucked but shining anyway’ wah wah.

But with conviction.

With compassion for ourselves.

With knowing we are on a journey and if it is our wish, our deepest wish, to shine bright then we CAN and we SHOULD. WE MUST

So many of us have things to share, work to do in this world to do & people to help.

No matter where we are at.

No matter where we have been.

No matter what beliefs have become truths.

We are here to shine.

All of us, all the parts of us.

We cannot wait until we are unfucked.

We cannot wait until we are fixed.

That shit just may never happen.

And so what?!?!?!?

There is work to do, light to shine, spirits to soar.

So not too long after I saw the meme above, I saw this meme (it’s meme-o-rama! you. cannot. escape. them. no. matter. how. hard. you. try.) from one of my very favorite social media follows Thug Unicorn (just the name is so completely fucking awesome).

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That’s good stuff, ya?

YES. (Thank you Thug Unicorn!!!!)

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my spirit and soul relaxed.

Memes can have you all over the place emotionally, right?!?!? LOL

But in all seriousness, us humans, we are flawed.

But I don’t even really like that word, flawed, all that much.

It has connotations.

It has an energy to it & a label that indicates there is something better or that we should be something better. That there is something WRONG with us.

WE ARE HUMANS.

And that encompasses a WHOLE WICKED BIG range of emotions, experiences, goals, likes, dislikes, fuckedupness etc etc etc.

And we are here to have that all happen.

ALL OF IT.

ALL OF THE EXPERIENCES.

And those things can leave wounds, sometimes unhealable, unbearable wounds.

So fucking what.

That doesn’t mean we are less than, weak, stupid, unlovable or unshineable.

So shine bright mah friends.

Shine bright.

All of you.

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Even if you feel fucked & you cannot unfuck yourself.

Even if your inner shit is so completely shittastic.

It doesn’t matter.

You are worthy.

You are whole.

You are human.

You are here to shine your very own bright shiny light.

Ok?

Ok.

Love,

Adrienne

P.S.

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