Do you like my fancy title?
It sounds like a headline from a serious newspaper or something.
Well we know one thing, serious I am not.
But this 21-day experiment I embarked on last week has proven to be very interesting!
I have been, for a long time, noticing how my mind likes to travel to the drama, the victim, the cranky and the wah wah wah end of things more often than I’d like.
But I have learned that if I push against this too too much (heck, if I push against anything), it backfires and I am doing it all the more (much like when you try to diet and all you can think about is donuts).
But when I read the post by Tim, it struck me as something interesting to try.
So while I have not been super strict about this no-complaint thing, this is what I have noticed:
~ Man, I love to bitch!!! It seems I am bitching a lot in my head about this or that. I can tell it is totally a habit and one I’d like to break. Way to much energy goes to bitching and that does not feel like what I want to align myself with.
~ Man, sometimes all you need is one big bitch and you’re all set. Yup, I strongly believe that letting it out helps quiet a bit. One day last week I found myself going a bit batshit cray over something. So I messaged a friend and said ‘I need to bitch about this and then move on.’ She was nice and said ‘Go for it.’ I ranted away. She did not egg me on (which was great) and I felt better. I noticed that I did want to continue my rant but that was going to get me nowhere except to fuel my fire. So I did my best to move on.
~ I traveled with my two young children this past week and good gravy! It is just about the easiest thing in the world to complain about!!! But there we were, traveling to a warm sunny place to see my husband, their dad they miss terribly, and so I was able to steer my thoughts away from complaint mode and into gratitude and wonder (Man, I love the beach somethin’ awful and a sunset on the beach? I’m a big ole mess of joy).
~BUT THEN!!! I had a heinous experience on the plane ride home. I am considering writing the airline. I am a bit bundled and need to be heard and need to BITCH about my angst and discontent. So is that complaining? Hmmmm, not 100% sure. I have bitched about it to one person and plan to tell my husband but do I need to go further? Will it do me any good? Is it that important to go out of my way to be heard? It happened yesterday, it is over, it was not technically a horrible thing (not that I will ever fly US Air again) so….
This is where ‘complaining’ gets a bit hazy. Sometimes we need to voice our feelings, our discontent. Sometimes we need to bitch.
But what I think is more important is taking notice of is how often is this happening. And if it is happening A LOT, aren’t we the common denominator? Very much: ‘It’s not you, it really is ME!!’
I believe so.
So minding your mind is what it is all about. Catching yourself when you find yourself bitching and/or complaining about the same thing over and over. And tapping into what it is you really need. Maybe it is one big giant bitch to get it all about. Maybe it is to feel heard in your life. Maybe you are desperately needing to be ‘right’ and when you cannot feel ‘right’ you need to complain. Maybe you are stuck in wah poor me mode and see NO silver lining. At all. Ever.
Do not judge.
Now don’t go all judgy on yourself.
See if, as often as possible, you can steer the boat of your thoughts and of your words to less complain-y to more ‘I’m feeling frustrated.’ That at least is a bit of a shift. And see if you can get what you need by not complaining. By asking and communicating. Interesting theory!
If you have been participating (fully or not), let us know what you have noticed.
I’d love to hear!
I am going to continue on my experiment and keep noticing and seeing where I can steer my thoughts and my words and my patterns of both to the less bitchy.
Ya know, if I can! 🙂