What happened when I stopped trying

I have spent most of my life beating myself up for one thing or another.

Ya, I know, wah boo wah on me.

Not to long ago I decided to stop.

Stop trying to lose weight.

Stop trying to be ‘better.’ (whatever THAT means)

Stop trying to figure everything out.

Stop focusing so much on the future (because I was completely out of the present as a result).

On my 43rd birthday, I woke up and realized my mind was a prison (particularly a  big giant prison of negativity, particularly negative self-talk).

I decided enough was enough and began a giant push towards positivity.

But I fell flat on my face because underneath it all I was still pushing towards being thinner, happier, better, and a whole gang of NOT ME!

Once I woke up to that and realized even though much of what I was doing was great and yes, very positive, underneath it all was the nagging old feeling of ‘you kinda suck, so keep at all this because, guuuuurrrrrlllll, you NEED TO CHANGE.’

So there I was, not thinner, not happier, not better – JUST ME.

I decided to give up.

Just plain ole give the fuck up.

No more ‘dieting’, no more hoping and praying and intending to be better.

I toyed with the idea of ‘radical self-acceptance’ but that seemed very scary. LOL.

So I decided to just BE.

BE me.

Sometimes I am a giant hot mess.

Sometimes I am not going to be able to wear a bikini (more like maybe never LOL).

Sometimes I am going to be not so spiritual.

Sometimes I am just going to be ME.

As I began to play with this idea and really take notice of when my mind would pull me back to ‘you better do this that and the other because, well, you suck, and you better be better!!’ I began to attend Oneness Blessings.

Well, they have become the blessings of the century!!

It has really helped me with all this (that I was already leaning towards).

All kinds of miracles have shown up but mostly the miracle of just being ME.

Photo 78

Yup ^ there I am first thing in the morning. Aren’t ya glad you can see what I look like? 🙂

I am much less self-conscious these days.

A lot less wishing I was something or someone else.

My mind is changing and shifting.

And I can see, that without even trying, so are all the other things I have TRIED to change for so long.

They are following suit – my body, my eating, my behaviors.

Just because my mind has shifted.

Ahhhhhh, such a relief!

It feels like freedom.

All the struggle, the pushing, the badgering, IT’S GONE.

It as if I am truly realizing that in this moment, just as I am, is fine.

Even more than fine, it’s GREAT.

Sometimes the negative stuff does creep back in. This is natural. I notice quickly and do not try to force it away. Just a gentle noticing of:

‘Oh look, here you go again.’

And then I chuckle.

CHUCKLE!

I used to spend hours trying to figure out how to change myself and my body, I was so grouchy!!! And all I could think of is:

I KNOW how to eat well. I KNOW how to drop weight quickly. I KNOW how to exercise. I KNOW that meditation, prayer, and quiet moments all make a huge difference.

But when they were in the context of doing them because: ‘you suck’    surprisingly I got NOWHERE. Shocking, huh? 😉

I was often exhausted before I even got out of bed because I had no idea how I was going to uphold all these ideas of perfection.

So like I said, I gave up.

It was the most freeing moment of my life.

Then Oneness Blessings came on my radar (again, I had attended many a few years ago).

I began to read some awesome folks online especially Go Kaleo who are talking about all KINDS of great stuff having to do with diet and body image. And also lots of folks who are eating real food and loving life.

It is amazing how shifts and things happen sometimes when you don’t try at all!

I find it miraculous that my mind is changing and my body is (slowly but surely) following suit.

I think for some folks it can be just the opposite, they change their body because they have had ENOUGH and their mind follows suit and that is freedom for them.

For me, it is the opposite.

The mind has changed.

And everything, and I mean everything, is following right along.

In the most fabulous, miraculous, sometimes slow, sometimes fast, all with no judgement way.

YAY!!

Please share below any stories you would like regarding mind shifts, a-ha moments, diet or body image stories – I’d love to hear them!

Thanks!

Love,

Adrienne

If this post resonated with you then you will love my free 30-day program – Connection, Possibility and YOU!

Click here to register!

Be sure to keep up with all things possible 🙂 on my facebook page – thanks!!

If you want to know more about the Oneness experience, the main website is:

www.onenessuniveristy.org

For Massachusetts, it is:

www.onenessma.org

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17 thoughts on “What happened when I stopped trying”

  1. Love this! Love you!

    For me it was training and completing a 5K last year. For my entire life I’ve told myself I can’t run. At all. Then I just started running/jogging/walking/wogging. I finished the 5K even though I walked a bunch. Doing something I told myself for years I couldn’t possibly do freed up my mind for all sorts of things.

    Anything is possible.

    🙂

  2. The mind is a funny thing, ain’t it?!?! For some, like me, it is putting a stop to all the pushing towards ‘goals’ for others, like your fabulous self, it is getting out of your comfort zone and the mind saying ‘can’t’ or ‘won’t’ and pushing through that to rock it out! nice. thanks for sharing and WOG on with yo bad self! xo

  3. Thank you for this. It was a good reminder for me of where I am and want to be. I don’t have the mental or physical energy to try to live up to others’ expectations (my assumptions of others’ expectations) of me, so I’ll just do the best I can to accept myself as good enough.

    Meighen

    1. Thanks Meighen – I can totally relate to lacking that kind of energy. Hence why I ‘gave up’! Know that sometimes ‘good enough’ is amazing and sometimes it is not so great! And it is all just part of life and who we all are. Glad you stopped by and thanks for commenting!

  4. I’ve had a few ah-ha moments, but I’m still struggling. Struggling to stop trying (Oh, I’m good at PRETENDING I’m not trying) but then when I don’t see results, I go back to my bad habits. I really need to focus on learning to love me for who I am, not who I want to be. So happy gokaleo linked to you, will keep following 🙂 Thanks for this, happy to know there is a way “out”.

    1. Hi Christy! I totally did the pretending thing for a long time!! I think it was part of the process, like trying on some shoes to see if they will be good to walk in for a while. Stay with what is even if it feels a whole gang of yucky and see what happens! Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!

  5. Love this Adrienne! Beating yourself up and making yourself wrong is no way to shift things…the energy is headed in the wrong direction.

    My biggest ah-ha around this stuff came when I make the choice to Be Happy NOW- Feel GOOD now! The way to do that was to stop making myself wrong and thinking that I was supposed to be doing something else…or weighting less, doing more.
    Letting that go felt like peace, ease, and expansion!!

    1. EXACTLY EXACTLY Leah!! I always thought that I WAS shifting the energy, and at times I did, but I couldn’t shake the negative self-talk so many shifts were gone as quickly as the came! Giving up and realizing what a prison my mind was in has been the greatest gift of all time and coinciding with all that the Oneness Blessings!
      Peace, ease and expansion RULE!!
      Thank you for reading and commenting!!

  6. This is good, Adrienne, really good. You always seemed to me so self-confident and so SECURE in yourself, I never would have guessed that you had any doubts…HA! Thanks for your honesty! I just recently got back into photography, which I LOVE, but never had the self-confidence to go for it…I’d take a photo and think, IT’S NOT PERFECT! and I would put away the camera. At 45, I’m finally giving myself the permission to fail miserably at something because I don’t care about being perfect anymore…well. OK, I still do, but I’m OK with showing the world my stumblings as I go about learning my medium of expression all over again.
    Thanks for the inspiration.

    1. Hi Nuvea! Thank you so much for stopping by and for your comment.
      I think my extroverted personality makes me seem confident and I certainly have been at times, very confident.
      But many, oh MANY, times been curled up on my bed bawling like a baby and just so unhappy.
      Mostly because, like I say in this blog post, I spent SO much time and energy trying to get away from myself.
      Now it is time to just go for it. Enough is enough, ya know?!?!
      I LOVE that you are doing photography (again), you are so so talented. You can tell with every photograph that this is something you are totally supposed to be doing. It is your gift! The world needs all of us to be doing what we are supposed to be doing. To be shinning. To be more in alignment with who we truly are. Even we are not 100% sure, just do what feels good and let the details fall as they will.
      You are awesome and I can’t wait to see where this goes for you!
      Lots of love,
      Adrienne

      1. Thank you so much for your encouragement, Adrienne! I signed up for more of your posts and I’m really looking forward to following along on your journey, as well!
        xoxo Nuvs

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