Since December, I have had the stomach flu, two head colds, the regular flu flu, and currently bilateral knee inflammation.
But let’s back up a bit and tell a lil story.
Around my 43rd birthday in early November, I panicked and felt that if I did not begin to reach for my dreams I was going to wake up in twenty years and not have accomplished any of my goals.
So I embarked on a P-L-A-N.
Isn’t there a quote ‘If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans?’
Well, I am sure someone is laughing because my plan was in vain.
But it did not start out that way.
I was ON IT.
I picked a date to ‘launch,’ I was creating, excited, waking up early every morning, intending and focusing on service.
Doing all the right things….so I thought.
Then I got sick with the stomach flu. No big deal as we know, the flu virus is crazy this year and I have little kids and we all passed it around. It look way longer to recover and even longer to get back on track with my ‘plan.’
Then I got a head cold. And then another one.
THEN the regular flu (fever, aches, chills, fatigue).
So now it is mid January and I am WAY behind schedule.
I begin to think about a lot of things.
First, I do not get sick very often. If I do it is quick and fairly painless. This was very out of the ordinary for me and I know that this was a out of the ordinary year for the flu, but still. This didn’t seem right.
I began to think maybe this was my body’s way of saying things were off all around. I do not have a very stressful life (by design) but I was putting a lot of pressure on myself to move forward with my business. I was worrying about money a lot. I was looking at my deadline and feeling overwhelmed and a lil crazy town. I knew there was more to begin sick than just being physically ill.
THEN last week, both my knees blew up. I have a history of knee inflammation since I got a virus as a child but this was ENOUGH!
Message received loud and clear.
I was not paying attention to what I needed to do, I was stretching myself to far and not being true to my own rhythms and needs.
So my physical body decided to made it impossible for me to move forward in the way that I was.
For the last few weeks I have slowed down and decided to take my time. I have decided to move forward with things but much MUCH more slowly. I had big visions and while they will for sure be revisited but not yet. I am focusing on one or two things (instead of four like I had planned) and seeing where it all goes. With intention and focus but treading much more lightly and not being overly attached to outcome, to deadlines, to anything really.
So THANK YOU influenza virus of 2012/2013.
I am eternally grateful for being forced to slow down (even if it was just slowing my own crazy mind down). Grateful that I was forced to rethink my ‘plan.’
I am grateful that I am not giving up. I know my ‘plan’ was rich with good good stuff to share and do. But I am going to move forward in smaller chunks. Less pressure. More presence and joy. It wasn’t all easy. Being sick blows. Being forced to look at your crap blows even more. Tears flowed, pillows were punched, heavy sighs exhaled.
But in the end I am grateful that I got to deal with all of this. It gave me clarity and helped me realize what was important.
Agh, much better.
Have you ever had a similar experience where you were forced to slow down and regroup?
Tell us in the comments below.